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This video has a transcript page. View it here: Aquaman: Battle For Atlantis/Transcript. |
Jon reviews Aquaman: Battle For Atlantis.
Synopsis[]
Jon checks the YouTube comments and has a breakdown after reading almost four of them in a row. Jon has a nightmare where he's going to hell and confesses his love to Jacques. He eventually wakes up from his stupor with instantaneous knowledge of what he would be playing for the episode.
After a brief explanation of who Aquaman is, along with a clip of an old cartoon showcasing Aquaman's abilities, he begins talking about the game. He immediately notes the game's low price and scores on critic websites. The cut scenes are all done in silent comic panels, and only one music track is repeated by all of them. He begins the game and notices an instantaneous resemblance to Superman 64, an infamously bad game based on another DC superhero.
The camera flies around all over the place and Aquaman has a hook for a hand, and Jon is confused by it, requesting the viewers to write a concise comment or send him an email discussing the topic before giving everyone a big "fuck you" out of sarcasm. The whole first level is swimming in a barren underwater city.
There are invisible walls everywhere. Jon mentions that invisible walls don't bother him if they're put in obvious places, but the ones in Aquaman are out in open areas that look no different from any other areas in the game. Jon can't even pick up the items that are floating around (what he refers to as 'pants'). Jon complains about the game having a complex move list when simply mashing A is more efficient.
The other kind of level is a moving turret section where Aquaman is on a vehicle that can shoot at enemies. He compares it to the Venom and Venom II stage from Starfox 64. He questions why the city in the game is worth saving, there's next to nothing in it. The game mostly just consists of swimming around and killing enemies over and over and over. There's also destroying bombs, which can be humorously ironic by throwing them into the buildings they were going to destroy. He brings up Aquaman's hair, which show's impressively realistic underwater movement, and jumps to the conclusion that the game's budget and effort went solely into the hair. He then abuses the hair physics to give Aquaman bald spots.
The graphics are awful, nothing makes sense, every level is the same thing, and the draw distance is terrible. He calls back on his earlier statement, calling Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis a spiritual successor to Superman 64. The video ends with the game crashing, and Jon celebrating.
Quotes[]
- "What's this blue pants? What... What's this blue pants? I can't get it." - Jon when he is confused about how he can't grab the "blue pants."
Trivia[]
- The Blue, Yellow, and Purple "Pants" that Jon talks about are actually simplified "A" emblems that either stand for Atlantis or Aquaman.