Allah is a being that Jon Jafari had a brief encounter with while soliciting strangers for Tim Allen impressions on Times Square, New York for his 2016 christmas video "Christmas with the Kranks".

After commandeering Jon's microphone, Allah proceeded to warn the public of conventional churches and their (alleged) theft of money from the peoples, as well as their (alleged) trade in illicit pharmacuticals while emploring the listeners not to go to these churches.

Allah explained that the 'Seven Churches of Asia' are the only true churches of God, and the only churches that "have" God. ("Having God" has come to be interpereted as truly posessing the embodiment of God that churches symbolise.)

It is only after explaining this that Allah tells Jon of his true nature and name, a fact that clearly bewiildered Jon.

Allah then spoke in riddles not solved to this day, the most well known of which goes as follows: "If you can't tell me what Holy means, oh-bushatabohota-ghboshata, you can't tell me what that means!"

As his final revelation to Jon Jafari he revealed his plan to build his own church called "the Seven" (presumably because of the current state of the Seven Churches of Asia) as well as revealing that he invisions the church as being "on fire".

Allah then sung his own song 'He chose Me', a song closely tied in with his personal experience of being Chosen to build the Seven.

The Seven Churches of Asia

The Seven Churches of Revelation, also known as The Seven Churches of the Apocalypse and The Seven Churches of Asia, are seven major churches of Early Christianity, as mentioned in the New Testament Book of Revelation.

The seven Churches are named for their locations. The Revelation provides descriptions of each Church.

  • Ephesus (Metropolis of Ephesus) (Revelation 2:1-7) - the church known for having laboured hard and not fainted, and separating themselves from the wicked; admonished for having forsaken its first love (2:4)
  • Smyrna (Metropolis of Smyrna) (Revelation 2:8-11) - the church admired for its tribulation and poverty; forecast to suffer persecution (2:10)
  • Pergamum (Metropolis of Pergamum) (Revelation 2:12-17) - the church located at 'Satan's seat'; needed to repent of allowing false teachers (2:16)
  • Thyatira (Revelation 2:18-29) - the church known for its charity, whose "latter works are greater than the former"; held the teachings of a false prophetess (2:20)
  • Sardis (See of Sardis) (Revelation 3:1-6) - the church that has a good name; cautioned to fortify itself and return to God through repentance (3:2-3)
  • Philadelphia (Metropolis of Philadelphia) (Revelation 3:7-13) - the church steadfast in faith, that had kept God's word and endured patiently (3:10)
  • Laodicea, near Denizli (see Laodicean Church) (Revelation 3:14-22) - the church that was lukewarm and insipid (to God) (3:16)

In an early part of the Revelation, on the Greek island of Patmos, Jesus Christ instructs his servant John of Patmos, through an angelic intermediary, to: "Write on a scroll what you see and send it to the seven churches: to Ephesus, and to Smyrna, and to Pergamum, and to Thyatira, and to Sardis, and to Philadelphia, and to Laodicea."

The letters follow a common pattern. For example: the Lord first addresses each church and identifies himself, then defines things that he knows about the church in question.  After this, a challenge or reproach is given, followed by a promise. In all seven cases the admonition is included, "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches"

Learnings of Allah regarding the Seven Churches

From Allah's speech on the Seven Churches in Asia we can extrapolate that the churches, at some point before the apocalypse (which occured on the 21st of December, 2012) heeded the letters sent to them by Christ and his servants, and repented where neccisary.

It is thought this act pleased God to such an extent that he decided to permanently regard these churches as the only official places of worship in the world.

Allah however took notice to the fact that the Seven Churches in Asia are ruins and have been so for the better part of two millenia. Allah, the only one seeing that the world had no official place to worship (that wasn't cold, due to ruins not having proper isolation) was chosen by God to start his project to build a church that harnessed the power of the seven churches, and call it the Seven. And have it be on fire, so it would be more than warm enough for all the worshippers of the world to enjoy.

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